The number 5 topic facing today’s family, as expressed by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is “Lack of Discipline.”
o “Two sides of the same coin are self-discipline and self-respect. Children do not see the modeling of these attributes in parents or other adults; therefore they grow into self-absorbed and selfish adults.” Jeff P. Dacula, GA
o “Without discipline and respect in the home, there is none in the world.” Karen B. Marshall, TX

Fewer than one out of every twenty adults believe that America’s youngsters are receiving above the average preparation in all five areas of life; emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual or physically.

The lowest rating, however, were reserved for the moral and spiritual preparation of children. Only 8% of adults said kids get better than adequate preparation in the spiritual realm, while more than seven out of ten adults said children get inadequate spiritual training.
“The survey findings indicate that parents feel they’re being let down by society George Barna noted that the same people who are being anguished about the mediocre support that children receive IE parents are the ones primarily responsible for the problem. Parents alone may be incapable of fully equipping their children every area of life but the, strategy of waiting for social institution to provide whatever their children need is seriously flawed and when parents lean on institutions for help in this process, unless parents hold these institutions accountable, the quality of life preparation that our nation’s children receive will continue to fail to meet even the most modest standards.” (www.barna.org)
We as parents are mentors whether we like it or not. We must decide to be proactive in the lead as opposed to react and follow. Some parents handle the so called “big” issues; s**, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, but is that is enough? We should mentor our children through life situations by modeling it before them. Tim Elmore’s is a great author and communicator and is passionate about equipping and empowering children. He speaks often about mentoring. His son overheard him talking to a friend about the mentoring process and why it’s important. That evening his son asked, “Daddy, will you be my mentor?” (pg 6. Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child.) It is up to us to determine what type of mentor we will be to for our children.

You may have a coach for your career or mentor in your specific field, yet rarely do you hear of mentors for parents. Typically we become parents and parent the same way as our parents, good or bad. Please understand, I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be. However, I have a mentor in my life that is challenging me to become the best Husband and Father. If you are struggling in the area of parenting find someone who is doing things right and allow them to speak truth into your life. Your family will benefit. Dobson says, “It’s easier to shape the child than to rebuild an adult.”
“The biggest problem kids’ face is the example adults show them today.” This is a powerful statement from a seventeen year old. There are so many things we want for our kids. We want them to have the best of everything…the Wii, the Nintendo DS, and an iPod. (The battle of materialism) Our actions communicate priority to our children. Where we spend the most time and money communicates our priority. I know I need to fine tune my discipline. “I cannot lead my kids any further than were I have grown myself. We teach what we know but we reproduce who we are.” (Tim Elmore) We need to help our children understand there is a cost for lack of discipline. Children need to understand the price of their bad decisions increase with age. What cost you minutes in time out as a child may cost you your job as an adult. “We can’t choose our ancestors but we can shape our descendants.” (Tim Elmore) As Reggie Joiner says, “An inheritance is something you leave for your kids; a legacy is something you leave in them.”

Remember, “Know the way, go the way, show the way.” John Maxwell

Debt, finances, credit cards, rising costs… the list goes on. Each idea generates a sick feeling in the pit of one’s gut. Money is a divining rod for revealing one’s values and desires. And within the practical, emotional, even spiritual dynamics of being part of a family, the effect is intensified. If we took the time to evaluate our spending over the course of a year (as many people do), the results would tell us what we do value rather than what we say we value.

Why are we stressed about money? We are stressed because it is a good indicator of priorities based in our earthly desires. And further, our earthly desires can be powerfully misleading forces in the decisions we make daily with our finances.

The number 6 topic facing today’s family, as expressed by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is
“Financial Pressures.”

“The pressure felt by many people to “have” so much “stuff” is overwhelming and credit is an easy way to fulfill the wants and perceived needs. However, its long-term affect is to cause anxiety and frustration when the bills can’t be paid and the spending must be stopped.”
Shirley B. Ocala, FL

” Living costs are rising rapidly, especially in terms of health care, prescriptions, and health insurance premiums. It is hard to stay on budget when living costs rise significantly faster than income.”
Osborne B. Blandon, PA

Prov 22:1-7
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. 2 Rich and poor have this in common: The LORD is the Maker of them all. 3 A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. 4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life. 5 In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who guards his soul stays far from them. 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. 7 The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

We’ve heard the verse, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Yet rarely do we look at the surrounding passage. Clearly this passage is talking about teaching our children the importance of a good name and that it’s to be desired more than GREAT riches. With so many homes in foreclosure and the mounting credit card debt, we HAVE to teach our children financial wisdom. I wish life was easy but with the added pressure of materialism and an”iculture” how can we help our children to be content?
“We must be humble and fear the Lord.” As verse four states we have to humble our own desires. OUCH!!! We’ve all heard that “actions are louder than words.” When I think of the word TRAIN, I literally picture a train with the engine and all of the cars following behind. We are the example for our children. We are the engine that directs the course for our children. They have no choice, they follow our direction. How many of you are just like your parents? Yes the Holy Spirit can intercede and break cycles but I would prefer laying a straight track for my children.
If you’re in debt, do something about it. As verse seven states, you are a servant to your lender. I would recommend reading Dave Ramsey’s books, or enrolling in the Good Sense course but don’t settle for where you’re at! Make a difference. In fact 90% of people in our culture buy things they can’t afford. (pg. 13 Total Money Makeover) I’ve adopted Ramsey’s motto: “If you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.” We have to learn to live within our means. We also have to learn to be content with where we are. As Eccl 5:10 says, “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.” Are you tired with your financial situation? Then do something about it. Think of yourself as the little train that COULD! Remember everyone said the little train couldn’t pull the load over the mountain but she did because she DIDN’T give up. We can make a difference in our lives and when we make those changes our children will follow. We will TRAIN them to know that a good name is more desirable than GREAT RICHES!
Luke 12:34, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Helpful hints:

• Develop a budget (stick to it!)
• Remember
  • Give your tithe
  • Save for a rainy day. It will rain and Christmas is not a surprise.
  • Then only spend after those two.
• Take baby steps, read Dave Ramsey’s book or Good Sense and teach your children what you learn. Start young, you won’t regret it.
• Let your children earn money, don’t just get them everything they want. They need to understand the value of a dollar.
• How can I get help? There are individuals in our church that are financial advisors. Don’t wait until it’s too late to get help.

Cell phones, email, text messaging, instant messaging… there are more ways than ever to stay in touch. But family communication continues to be a challenge. Combined with the forces of increased levels of activities and more and more options for entertainment, time together to ‘just talk’ ebbs further.

These growing influences do not limit the amount of communication neccessarily, but change the type of interaction that occurs. Rather than long stretches of time together in which issues have time to bubble to the surface, familes have more perfunctory
exchanges of planning for times and places.

Instant access to children by cell phone offers a feeling of safety, but furthers the freedom to spend time among friends over family. Music players and game consoles further isolate boys to a personal soundspace or their rooms while young girls are spending hours at a time chatting online and forming virtual relationships at great risk.
The number 7 topic facing today’s family, as expressed by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is “Lack of Communication.”

“Cell phones, the Internet, digital satellite systems, and play stations are becoming substitutes for relationships. Families can not communicate effectively because of text messaging or using a cell phone talking to some one rather than being with the person in physical proximity. ” Robert C. Bogart, GA

” Perhaps no other activity provides the intimate sharing and conversation time as
a calm, comfortable meal together. The rush of today’s schedules prevent families from having this provision. ” Dan W. Kosciusko, MS

Helpful Hints for Parents:
See notes for how to balance family and work

• A great way to communicate with one another is to spend time at the table eatting meals together. If your kids are younger have a special plate and that person determines the topic for that meal. You can have fun with this, ask the question, if we could go vacation where would you like to go
• When you take your kids to school, turn the radio off and tune into your kids. You have a captured audience.
• Pray with your children every day.
• Ask your children these two questions every day: (You will gain insight to their emotions.)
  • What made you happy today?
  • What made you sad today?

• Learn your child’s world in which they live.
  • If we want to nurture the leader in our children, we must step into their world. Our goal should not only be to understand their generation, but to connect with them, right where they are. Nurture the Leader with in Your Child, Tim Elmore pg 31.

• Take your children on dates.
  • Recently, I took one of my sons on a “mini-date,” basically he ran some errands with me. However, I had a goal. I wanted him know he had 100% of my attention. It was AWESOME. We went to QT and grab a milkshake and had a blast just talking about life. We laughed. We had serious conversations about life but what meant the most to me was when he said, “Dad, can we make this longer!”

I would strongly encourage that you read, Nurturing the Leader in Your Child, TIM ELMORE. www.growingleaders.com In his book he talks that as parents we should be like a tour guide for our children. We should be the SALT of the earth Tim Elmore

• S. - say anything, this is the role of a host who takes initiative the conversation.
• A - ask questions, this is the role of a doctor who pokes and prods.
• L - listen, this is the role of the counselor. First understand then worry about being understood.
• T. - transition to the truth this is the role of the tour guide, who communicates key truths and gets people to their destination (pg. 57)

Tim also has some great ideas on how to get your kids to talk.

1. Start a project together.
2. Watch a good video together. Afterwards, talk about the characters they identify with. Discuss any leadership scenes in the movie. Was there anything to learn?
3. Write out questions and place them in a balloons. Have the family bat the balloons around. At a signal, have each member pop one and answer the question inside the balloon.
4. Look at old photographs or family videos.
5. Ask your kids to teach you something they can do well that you can’t do well. (pg. 47.)

What are somethings you’re doing to make sure communication is taking place in your family?

The number 8 topic facing today’s family, as expressed
by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is “Negative Media Influences.”

The media, more specifically the entertainment media, have long been the subject of criticism
by Christians and traditionalists… and for good reason. Since the invention of the printing press brought about cheap print, a wedge has been driven into Western culture. The disposability and constant market for new entertainment content makes it a natural battleground between two competing forces. Those forces are values that promote the family versus values to pleasure the individual.

Our modern entertainment media, rampant with s–, violence, and anti-authoritarian sentiment,
traces its roots to the rise of “carnival” in Europe in the 16th century — a festival of rebellion against the Church allowed one day per year that since has evolved into what we know as Mardi Gras.
In recent years, however, personal pleasure and freedom have been enshrined to the point that family values are not merely rebelled against but are considered a threat. The traditional values of faith, nation, and family are being
overwhelmed by a juggernaut of image and sound across numerous platforms.

“We may not like to admit it, but everything influences us. Parents should monitor all media. The media continues to increase in promoting not just entertainment but also a worldly agenda.” Cheri S. Las Vegas, NV

” We are being desensitized daily to what one should tolerate to the point of not recognizing sin as sin but accepting it as
the way things are.” Sara H. Huber Heights, OH

WOW this is a big one for our kids. Our kids are bombarded with media everywhere they go. Even when your eating out with your family. This topic should bring great discussion.

Here are some interesting statistics:

• In a year, the average child spends 900 hours in school and nearly 1023 hours in front of the TV.
• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that kids watch about 4 hours of TV per day, even though AAP guidelines say children over two should watch no more than one to two hours a day of quality programming
• Children who watch consistently more than four hours per day are more likely to be overweight
• Kids who watch violent events such as kidnapping and murder are also more likely to believe that something bad will happen to them
• The average American child will witness over 200,000 violent acts on television by the age of eighteen.
• Studies have shown teens who watch a lot of s–ual content on TV or more likely to initiate or participate in other s–ual activities earlier than peers who don’t watch s–ually explicit shows
• A recent study conducted by the center on alcohol marketing in use at Georgetown University found that the top 15 teen oriented programs in 2003 had alcohol ads.
• Children and United States according to AAP will see more than 40,000 commercials each year

That’s just the television, add to the mix music, video games, and internet. Parents realize that most game systems today have internet access. (Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, PSP and more) Make sure to read the instructions so you can protect your children.

So the question is, What can I do to help my kids?

• Monitor the content of TV programming and set viewing limits to ensure that your child is not spend time watching TV that should be spent on other activities, such as playing with friends, exercising, and reading.
• Know TV parental guidelines
• Use parental controls such as V. chip or other password protectors
  • Caution don’t rely too heavily on the tools and stop monitoring what your children are watching, viewing on the Internet, or video games you still need to monitor closely what media influences your children are exposed to.

• Preview shows to determine if they are acceptable for your children to view
• Teach children good TV habits
  • Limit the number of TV hours
  • Treat TV as a privilege that your child needs to earn
  • Turn the TV off at meals
  • Keep TVs and out of your child’s bedroom
  • Don’t allow your child to watch TV while doing homework

• Try a fast from TV and do things as a family
  • Offer fun alternatives to TV
• Set a good example by limiting your own television viewing
• Come up with the TV schedule
• Watch TV with your child
  • Talk to your child about what they see on TV and share your own beliefs and values. If you see something you don’t approve of as it appears on the screen, you can turn off the TV, then use the opportunity to ask your child thought provoking questions such as, “do you think it was OK when those men gotten that fight?”

• Healthy habits for video and interactive computer games
• Limited video game time
• Look at the ratings
• Preview the games, read reviews, and even play the games before you give them to your child the games rating may not match what we feel is appropriate for your child
• Help your child with a perspective on the games; monitor how the games are affecting your child. If your child seems more aggressive after spending time playing a certain game, it’s a good idea to discuss the game and help your child understand how the violence that’s portrayed as different from what occurs in the real world.
• Treat it as a privilege the child needs to earn
• If your child has a game system that has access to the Internet make sure to regulate their online game partners as well as restrict access to certain websites
  • New game consoles have been able to access pornographic web sites through the gaming system

• Internet safety

• Become computer literate
• Find out about online protection (I recommend safe eyes www.internetsafety.com)
• Keep the computer and a common area
• Share an e-mail account with your younger children
  • Never use your child’s name for their e-mail address

• Bookmark your child’s favorite sites
• Spend time together on the internet
• Remember people can be someone else so either prevent or closely monitor chat rooms.

• Make sure to maintain and monitor your child’s phone many phones have internet
• Review their Internet history often

Do you have a filter, if not visit this site: internetsafety.com

/ Safe Eyes Parental Controls Include:

1. Content Controls - Flexible content control allows you to select the types of website that are appropriate.
2. Program Controls - Control Instant Messengers, P2P File Sharing, and other harmful programs.
3. Time Controls - Control the amount of time spent online, and the times when the internet is available.
4. Usage Logging - Create and review logs of websites visited, programs used on the Internet, and Instant Messaging Chats.
5. Usage Alerts - Be notified instantly via email, text message, or phone call when someone visits inappropriate websites.

The number 9 topic facing today’s family, as expressed by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is “Balance of Work and Family.”
“The rising pressure to invest more of one’s energy in work at the expense of family.”

Often, a moment of decision is not a decision at all, but the logical choice given thousands
of decisions made in the past. The decision to work late, go back into the office, see one more client, etc. was made before the event… when the deed was signed, the purchase was made, the private school application was submitted… etc.

Also, the dream of having one parent stay home to raise the kids full-time seems to be getting less and less likely for families. Despite the high priority we say we place on family, other good priorities seem to crowd out time with children. These include the need for the right education, the need for a good home in a nice neighborhood, and the honor and feelings of accomplishment that come with success.

However, the stakes are getting higher. No longer is working too hard merely costing parents the joy of time with children - children increasingly are seeking attention from other sources. (lifeway.com/top10)

“Mom comes home tired, Dad comes home tired. Family life suffers - nutritution suffers, homework for school suffers, kids must make decisions for themselves that parents should make for them. Too much emphasis on material things, not Godly things..” Diane W. Guyton, GA

” Children are spending more and more time away from busy mom and dads which is hurting their mental and spiritual growth.”Toby D. Kansas City, MO

Here is something that will make you think:

Daddy how much do you make an hour? The timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned home from work. Greatly surprised, the dad gave his son a glaring look and said; you’re too young to know that. Besides, I’m tired. Don’t bother me now. But, daddy, just tell me, please! How much do you make? The boy insisted. The father of finally gave up and replied, “$20.00 an hour.” OK, daddy. Could you loan me $10.00? Showing his restlessness, the father yelled, so that was the reason you asked how much I made? Be still and go to sleep. After it was dark, the father began reflecting on his impatience. He felt a bit guilty. Maybe, he thought, my son wants to buy something. To ease his mind, he went into his son’s room to see if he was still awake. Are you asleep? He whispered. No, replied the boy, partially asleep. Then, his dad gave him a $20.00 bill and said, here’s the money you asked me to loan you earlier. Thanks, dad! He smiled. Now, I have enough. Now, I have $20.00. His father looked confused and he looked at his son as if to say: what do you want to buy? Daddy, could you sell me one hour of your time?
Tim Elmore pg. 57-58 nurturing the leader with an your childHow to balance family and work

1. Ensure that the Christ matters (Work on your own iceberg, develop the 90% below the surface
2. Find balance and maintain time equity:work, family, rest.
3.Regain control of your world find some limits with your commitments

Here is a great way to make sure you’re connecting with your family, eat together as much as possible. Even if it’s just one night a week!

• Here are three steps to ensure family meals.
o Plan it - select a time every one can be there
 Make sure to remove any roadblocks
 Make it a priority
o Prepare it
 Involve everyone
o Enjoy it
 Create a special plate and the person who has that plate gets to determined the topic of conversation for the evening.
 Make sure to say a prayer together, many times this is the only chance that families pray together
 Make sure to allow everybody in the conversation-no one’s left out-after all it is a family
o Cleanup
 Make sure everybody’s involved in the cleaning process
• Plan family nights
 Make it a priority by planning and placing it on the calendar
 It can be a variety of different things, movie, board games, special outings, i.e. ice cream or the family’s favorite restaurant
• Plan date nights with your spouse
 Make it a priority
 It doesn’t have to be expensive
• Think before signing you or your kids up for extra activities!

 Think about how it will affect the day to day life for your child and the rest of the family. If your child is in a sport, how will it affect how much time your child has for things like homework, other activities, relaxation, time with friends and family? You may want to get the schedule of practices and games, and look at the calendar to map out a typical week with your child.
 Also if you have more than one child who is playing sports, think about how you’re going to handle transportation to practices and games.
 Consider how you’re going to be involved. If you’re going to volunteer it can be a great way to spend time with your kids and show them you’re interested in what they’re doing.
 The key is just making sure to balance your family’s life, make it a priority, and don’t allow other things run your life

4. Establish a sense of commitment:

Find time for each child each week. Take 30 minutes and teach them what forever means. The memories you will create will last forever.

5. Demonstrate healthy authority, family is not a democracy - demonstrate respect for one another, but you are still the parents. Tony Rankin

I don’t want to look at my boys when they are 25 and have to apologize for not investing in their lives which is why I wanted to create this forum to help all of us become better parents. I would like to learn from those who have been there and made that mistake. Your kids are in junior high, high school or beyond. I would also like to help new parents avoid the mistakes I’ve made. So this forum is for every parent!

Today you can go online and blog or discuss how to set up ever aspect of a website. I desire to create a forum where we can discuss every aspect of parenting. Yes this is a maiden voyage and it will take time to develop but if we contribute we all will grow.

So let’s begin! I came across a lifeway study that surveyed more than 2000 individuals about the Top 10 Issues Facing Today’s Family. We will discuss an issue each week. If the discuss continues then we will extend that particular topic, if not we’ll tackle the next issue.

Here is the #10 issue: MATERIALISM… (This information was gathered from Lifeway.com)

“The placing in high regard of ownership and consumption as a family priority.”

Families throughout the developed world are subjected to an unceasing flow of advertising, image-making, and plain old selling of consumer goods and services. And… we are buying it. While the freedom to make consumer choices depends on this open market, the high pressure to buy more has other effects. These include consumer debt, lack of savings, and overextended parents.

Much of this commercial pressure is applied to reaching “decision makers” and “purchase influencers” as young as age two. Even mature consumers are falling prey to the trap of consumption that outstrips earning power or even earning potential. Feeding this fire are the seemingly unlimited offers of consumer credit sent through the mail and over the airwaves.

In a “stuff” -oriented culture, the Gospel is drowned out. We listen to our own insecurities and greed rather than finding fulfillment in Jesus Christ alone. A life of peace
with God’s provision is lost.

Rampant consumption also levies direct costs; families trapped in the race to satisfy wants and desires fall prey to financial stress, dissatisfaction, and bitterness.

The number 10 topic facing today’s family, as expressed by individuals from a range of backgrounds, is “Materialism.”

“Materialism is being hurled at us in every television, billboard, radio, and internet
screen we encounter, not to mention peer pressure. Too often parents substitute “presents” for “presence” which, I think, leads children to value things more than people.” Vickie R. Springfield, GA

” We suffer from Affluenza in this country - we have so much, and kids are learning to want more and more and more, without assessing the true value of “things” in life, or the fact that so many do without.” Patty F. Henderson, NV

I’m not sure if you were present this past Sunday but for me it was an amazing experience to write things on a piece of paper and ask God for forgiveness. Then to place the paper into the water and see it disappear. I’m grateful we serve a God who loves us and paid our debt in full. I’m so grateful to be FORGIVEN! If you have not visited www.ificould.org , take a moment to read and possibly post some baggage you’ve been carrying. It’s completely anonymous Remember Jesus said cast all of your cares! He also forgives! 1 John 1:9

Thanks,

LD

Ps: Thanks for your help with Festival 31.

What’s your favorite ice cream? I like almost every kind of ice cream except mint chocolate chip (one of my wife’s favorites). My favorites are cookies and cream, homemade vanilla with strawberries, and cheesecake with fresh strawberries. Just to name a few. Now another question, how do you like your ice cream? Do you prefer it to be frozen solid or soft? I know some people who will actually microwave their ice cream to get it just right. I’m not one to microwave my ice cream but I love my ice cream soft. Are you craving ice cream? I am!

Why are we talking about ice cream and the way we eat it. It’s simple! Last night we were eating ice cream when I notice my boys were watching what I was doing to my ice cream. In fact they wanted help to make theirs just like mine. I enjoyed the moment as we perfected our ice cream together. You know so many times in our lives our kids take on our habits. Good or Bad! I know most of my preferences come from my parents and I will pass those on to my boys.

Do you remember eating ice cream with your family? What about those special moments in your life? I can remember my dad helping me learn how to ride my bike without training wheels. I can still picture it to this day. I’m so grateful that my parents walked along with me and my sister and supported us through life.

I’ve been reading, “Bringing Up Boys,” by Dr Dobson. I’ve made it a personal goal to become a better Father for my boys. As I was reading last night, I came across a story that challenged me. Dobson shares about a fifty-eight year old man who during his childhood longed for the attention of his father. His dad was too busy to attend any of his games. In fact, as a senior in high school he begged him to attend their championship game. His father showed up with two other gentlemen in suits. Dobson says that this fifty eight year old man was moved to tears as he shared his story. He can remember seeing his dad talking with these men and then leaving to attend to business. His father passed away and this man stood at his grave and said, “Dad, we could have shared so much love together- but I never really knew you.” Guess the occupation of his father? No, he wasn’t a CEO, or a small business owner but a minister. You see this dad missed the opportunity to share life with his kids. To be honest, it’s easy as a minister to be about God’s work that I even neglect those opportunities to be there for my kids. If only…If only… If only I could go back and do it differently! Don’t pass the opportunities to share life with your kids! Create I was…I remember moments and share them often!

Thanks,
LD

PS what are some of your favorite family memories? Post your comments below.